INTRODUCTION - 7 SIGNS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM IN A CHILD
Signs of low self esteem in a child can sometimes be easy to miss, especially when they show up quietly in everyday behaviours. As a parent or carer, you may notice your child withdrawing, doubting themselves, or struggling more than usual—but not fully understand why
As a counsellor, I have worked with many families who felt something “wasn’t quite right” but couldn’t put their finger on it. Often, when we gently explored things together, we uncovered signs of low self esteem in a child that had been building over time. The good news is that with understanding, patience, and small daily steps, children can rebuild confidence and begin to see themselves in a more positive light.
1. They Put Themselves Down Often
One of the most common signs of low self esteem in a child is negative self-talk. You may hear phrases like:
- “I’m no good at this”
- “I always get things wrong”
How to help:
Gently challenge these thoughts
”That didn’t work this time, but you’re learning.
2. They Avoid Trying New Things
Children with low confidence often avoid situations where they might fail.
How to help:
Celebrate effort over outcome:
I’m proud of you for giving that a go.”
3. They Are Easily Frustrated or Give Up Quickly
Another sign of low self esteem in a child is a low tolerance for mistakes.
How to help:
Model calm responses to mistakes and normalise learning.
4. They Compare Themselves to Others
You might hear:
- “She’s better than me”
- “I can’t do it like them”
How to help:
Help your child focus on their own progress, not others.
5. They Struggle to Accept Praise
Children with low self-esteem often dismiss compliments.
How to help:
Keep praise simple and consistent:
“I noticed how kind you were—that really matters.”
6. They Seek Constant Reassurance
Repeatedly asking “Is this okay?” can be one of the quieter signs of low self esteem in a child.
How to help:
Encourage independence gently:
“What do you think? I trust your choice.”
7. They Withdraw Socially
Some children become quieter or avoid friendships when their confidence is low.
If this resonates, you may also find this helpful:
Why does my child have no friends?
How to Build Your Child Back Up Gently
When addressing signs of low self esteem in a child, the goal is not to “fix” them—but to help them feel safe, valued, and capable.
Here are a few gentle ways to support them:
- Give them your full attention during small moments
- Notice effort rather than perfection
- Create opportunities for small successes
- Speak kindly about yourself (they are always listening)
- Build connection before correction.
A Gentle Resource to Support Your Child
If your child is struggling with confidence or friendships, my book:
Murphy Makes New Friends
can gently help them understand that they are not alone.
You can find it here on my shop
MURPHY MAKES NEW FRIENDS
Explore all my children’s emotional wellbeing books here
You can also find MURPHY MAKES NEW FRIENDS ON AMAZON HERE:
A SMALL STEP THAT CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE
Children often express their feelings through creativity.
You can download a free Murphy colouring page HERE to help your child relax and open up:
You may also find this helpful: If you are noticing signs of low self esteem in a child, this guide may also support you HOW TO CALM AN ANXIOUS CHILD
FINAL THOUGHT
Recognising the signs of low self esteem in a child is a powerful first step. With gentle encouragement, patience, and consistent support, your child can begin to see themselves differently—not as “not good enough,” but as capable, valued, and worthy just as they are.
