INTRODUCTION
What to do if your child is bullying others is one of the most difficult questions a parent can face. Discovering that your child has hurt, intimidated or repeatedly upset another child can leave you feeling shocked, embarrassed, angry or even guilty.
The important thing to remember is that bullying behaviour does not automatically mean your child is a “bully” or a bad child. Children can learn healthier ways to manage emotions, solve problems and build respectful friendships when they receive calm guidance, clear boundaries and loving support.
As a counsellor, I worked with many families who found themselves in this situation. Parents often felt overwhelmed because they couldn’t understand why their usually caring child was behaving this way. In many cases, there were hidden struggles beneath the behaviour—low self-esteem, difficulties managing anger, problems with friendships or feelings of insecurity. When parents responded calmly instead of reacting with shame or punishment alone, positive change was often possible.
If you’re wondering what to do if your child is bullying others, these seven gentle but effective strategies can help.
Why Do Children Bully Others?
Before changing behaviour, it helps to understand where it may be coming from.
Bullying can sometimes develop because a child is:
- struggling with big emotions
- copying behaviour they have witnessed
- trying to fit in with friends
- seeking attention
- feeling powerless in another area of life
- lacking empathy or social skills
- experiencing difficulties with confidence or emotional regulation.
Understanding the reason does not excuse bullying behaviour—but it helps parents choose the most effective response.
1. Stay Calm Before You React
Learning what to do if your child is bullying others begins with managing your own emotions.
It is natural to feel upset or disappointed, but reacting with shouting or harsh punishment often causes children to become defensive instead of reflective.
Instead, aim for a calm conversation.
You might say:
“I need to understand what happened. Let’s talk about it together.”
This keeps communication open while making it clear that bullying behaviour is taken seriously.
2. Listen Before Jumping to Conclusions
Ask open questions.
Examples include:
- What happened?
- How did it begin?
- What were you feeling?
- What were you hoping would happen?
Listen carefully without interrupting.
Children sometimes reveal worries or pressures parents were completely unaware of.
3. Make It Clear That Bullying Is Never Acceptable
Children need both love and boundaries.
You can reassure your child that you love them while making it clear that their behaviour must change.
For example:
“I love you very much, but hurting other people isn’t acceptable.”
Separate your child’s identity from their behaviour.
Rather than saying,
“You’re a bully,”
say,
“The choices you made hurt someone.”
This encourages responsibility without damaging self-worth.
4. Help Your Child Build Empathy
One of the most effective answers to what to do if your child is bullying others is helping them understand the impact of their actions.
Ask questions such as:
- How do you think the other child felt?
- What might they have been thinking afterwards?
- How would you feel if someone treated you that way?
Children develop empathy gradually, and these conversations help strengthen that important life skill.
Support Emotional Development at Home
If your child struggles with managing big emotions, my Murphy Helps with Big Feelings picture book gently teaches children how to recognise emotions, calm themselves and choose kind responses.
Explore all of my children’s emotional wellbeing books here: MURPHY’S BRAVE & CALM SERIES
You can also find the Murphy series on Amazon.
5. Work Together With School
If the bullying happened at school, maintain open communication with teachers.
Avoid becoming defensive.
Instead, ask:
- What has been happening?
- When does it occur?
- Have there been previous concerns?
- How can we work together?
Children benefit most when parents and schools present a consistent message.
You may also find this guide helpful:
How to Talk to Your Child’s School About Bullying – 9 Essential Steps to Get the Right Support
6. Teach Better Ways to Handle Conflict
Many children simply haven’t learned healthy conflict resolution skills.
Practise situations together.
Teach your child to:
- stay calm
- use respectful words
- walk away
- ask an adult for help
- solve disagreements fairly.
Role-playing difficult situations at home helps children feel more confident making better choices in real life.
7. Praise Every Positive Change
Changing behaviour takes time.
Notice even small improvements.
For example:
- showing kindness
- including another child
- apologising sincerely
- walking away from conflict
- speaking respectfully.
Positive encouragement helps reinforce new habits far more effectively than constant criticism.
When Should Parents Seek Extra Help?
Sometimes bullying behaviour continues despite consistent support.
It may be helpful to seek professional advice if your child:
- shows little empathy
- becomes increasingly aggressive
- frequently blames others
- struggles to control anger
- has significant emotional difficulties.
Early support can prevent unhealthy behaviour from becoming long-term patterns.
Final Thoughts on What to Do If Your Child Is Bullying Others
Learning what to do if your child is bullying others can feel upsetting, but it also provides an opportunity for growth.
Children are still learning.
With patient guidance, consistent boundaries and loving support, many children develop greater empathy, healthier friendships and better ways of handling difficult emotions.
Remember, your goal isn’t simply to stop bullying behaviour—it’s to help your child become a kinder, more emotionally resilient person.
If you’d also like support for children who are experiencing bullying themselves, read my guide:
My Child Is Being Bullied – 7 Gentle but Proven Ways to Support Them
Free Printable
Free printable colouring page to encourage calm conversations about feelings after difficult situations.
