INTRODUCTION - BACK TO SCHOOL ANXIETY IN CHILDREN
Back to school anxiety in children can appear in the days or even weeks before a new school term begins. Your child may start complaining of tummy aches, struggling to sleep, becoming unusually clingy or repeatedly asking questions such as, “What if I don’t like my teacher?” or “What if nobody wants to play with me?”
For parents, it can be difficult to know whether to reassure, encourage, distract or simply listen.
During my years working as a counsellor, I supported many children and families experiencing anxiety around change, uncertainty and new situations. I found that children often cope better when adults don’t try to rush their worries away, but instead help them feel heard, safe and prepared.
The encouraging news is that back to school anxiety in children can often become much more manageable with gentle preparation and consistent reassurance.
Here are 7 gentle but effective ways to help your child return to school feeling calmer and more confident.
Why Does Going Back to School Make Some Children Anxious?
Even children who normally enjoy school can feel nervous about returning after a long break.
During the holidays, life may have become more relaxed and predictable. Suddenly your child is facing early mornings, busy classrooms, schoolwork, friendships and separation from you again.
They may be wondering:
- Who will my teacher be?
- Will my friends still play with me?
- What if the work is too difficult?
- What if I make a mistake?
- What if I miss Mum or Dad?
- What if something goes wrong?
For an anxious child, these uncertainties can feel enormous.
If anxiety affects your child in lots of different situations, you may also find my article How to Help an Anxious Child: 7 Powerful Ways to Feel Calm That Really Work helpful. It explores practical ways parents can support an anxious child more generally.
1. Start Talking About School Before the First Day
Avoiding the subject of school may seem like a good way to prevent worry, but gentle conversations can actually help your child feel more prepared.
Don’t suddenly bombard them with questions. Instead, bring school naturally into everyday conversations.
You might say:
“School will be starting again soon. What are you looking forward to?”
Then leave space for less positive feelings too.
If your child says, “Nothing. I don’t want to go,” resist the temptation to immediately respond with, “You’ll be fine!”
Try:
“It sounds as though going back is worrying you. What feels hardest about it?”
That small change helps your child understand that difficult feelings are safe to talk about.
2. Listen to the Worry Before Trying to Fix It
When children tell us they’re frightened, our natural instinct is often to reassure them.
But reassurance can sometimes come too quickly.
Imagine your child says:
“I’m scared nobody will play with me.”
Instead of immediately saying, “Of course they will!”, you could respond:
“You’re worried you might feel lonely when you go back. I can understand why that would feel upsetting.”
Then gently move towards problem-solving:
“Who could you look for when you arrive?”
“What could you say if you’d like to join a game?”
Listening first and problem-solving second teaches children that worries can be talked about and managed.
3. Bring Back the School Routine Gradually
One of the simplest ways to reduce back to school anxiety in children is to make the transition feel less sudden.
During the final week of the holidays, gradually begin returning to your normal school routine.
You might:
- Move bedtime slightly earlier.
- Return to normal waking times.
- Prepare school clothes together.
- Check the school bag and supplies.
- Start having breakfast at the usual school-day time.
- Talk through what the first morning will look like.
Routine creates predictability, and predictability can be very reassuring for an anxious child.
Rather than waking up on the first morning to lots of rushing, searching for shoes and worrying about being late, your child already knows what is going to happen.
4. Break the First Day Into Small, Manageable Steps
“Going back to school” can sound enormous to a worried child.
Instead, break it down.
You could say:
“First we’ll get dressed. Then we’ll have breakfast. We’ll take your school bag, walk to school and I’ll come with you to the gate. Then you’ll see your teacher and your friends.”
Focus on the next step, rather than the whole day.
You can also remind your child of things they already know.
They have walked through the school doors before.
They know where their classroom is.
They have managed school days before.
Instead of saying, “There’s nothing to worry about,” try:
“I know you’re nervous, but I also know you can do this one step at a time.”
That combines reassurance with confidence in their ability to cope.
5. Help Your Child Remember Times They Have Been Brave Before
Children sometimes believe being brave means not feeling afraid.
I prefer to help children understand that courage means doing something even when we feel a little nervous.
Remind your child about previous situations they were worried about but managed successfully.
Perhaps they:
- Joined a new club.
- Spoke to someone new.
- Stayed with a relative without you.
- Started a new class.
- Tried something they thought would be difficult.
You could say:
“Remember how nervous you were before swimming lessons? It felt difficult at first, but you kept going. I wonder if going back to school might be a little like that.”
This helps children recognise their own resilience.
A Gentle Story for Worried Children
If you’d like to continue supporting your child at home, Murphy Helps with Worries, from my Murphy’s Brave & Calm Series, was created to help young children explore worries in a gentle and reassuring way.
Reading together can make it easier for children to talk about feelings that they may struggle to explain themselves.
You can find Murphy Helps with Worries in my shop here:
It is also available on Amazon:
Back-to-School Murphy Special: When you purchase a Murphy book directly from my shop during the promotion, you’ll receive a FREE Murphy bookmark with every book purchased.
6. Keep Goodbyes Calm, Loving and Confident
The school gate can be one of the hardest moments for both parent and child.
If your child becomes upset, you may feel tempted to stay longer and repeatedly reassure them.
Instead, try to create a short and predictable goodbye.
For example:
“I love you. You’re safe. Your teacher is here to look after you, and I’ll be back to collect you later.”
A hug, a smile and a consistent goodbye ritual can provide reassurance without making the separation longer.
Your own body language matters too.
Children often look at their parent’s face to decide whether a situation is safe. Even if you feel emotional inside, try to communicate calm confidence:
“I know you can manage this.”
7. Celebrate Courage, Not a Perfect Day
When your child comes home, avoid immediately asking:
“Did you have a good day?”
For a child who has been anxious, that can make the whole day feel as though it must be judged as either good or bad.
Instead try:
“What was one nice thing that happened today?”
or:
“What was easier than you expected?”
And if the day was difficult, that’s okay too.
You might say:
“You were worried this morning and you still went through those school doors. That was brave.”
Praise the effort and courage, rather than expecting anxiety to disappear immediately.
Over several days, familiar routines, friendly faces and small successes can gradually help school feel safe again.
What If My Child’s School Anxiety Continues?
Sometimes back to school anxiety in children settles once the first few days are over. For other children, the anxiety continues or begins interfering significantly with everyday life.
If your child regularly becomes extremely distressed about school, has persistent physical complaints, cannot sleep, refuses to attend or their anxiety is affecting family life, it’s worth speaking with their teacher or school.
You can also read Why is my Child anxious at School? 7 Powerful reasons every parent should under stand
where I explore school anxiety in more depth and explain additional ways parents can support a child who continues to struggle.
If you remain concerned about the severity of your child’s anxiety, consider speaking with an appropriate health professional for individual advice.
Try a Calming Activity Together
Sometimes children don’t want another conversation about school — and that’s perfectly okay.
A quiet activity can provide an opportunity to relax and reconnect without putting pressure on them to talk.
You can download my FREE Murphy Colouring Page here:
Sit together, colour Murphy and allow conversation to happen naturally if your child wants it to.
Final Thoughts on Back to School Anxiety in Children
Back to school anxiety in children doesn’t necessarily mean that something is wrong or that your child won’t cope with the new school year.
Returning to school involves change, separation and uncertainty, and some children simply need a little more time and reassurance while they adjust.
Listen before trying to fix the worry. Restore familiar routines. Break difficult moments into manageable steps. Remind your child of times they’ve coped before, and celebrate every small act of courage.
Most importantly, let your child know:
“You don’t have to feel completely confident before you try. We can take it one step at a time.”
Your calm presence can become the secure base from which your child begins another school year feeling a little braver, a little calmer and increasingly confident.
