INTRODUCTION
How to teach a child to share is a question many parents ask, especially during the toddler and preschool years. It can feel embarrassing when your child refuses to let another child play with a favourite toy, but sharing is a skill that develops gradually—not something children automatically know how to do.
As a counsellor, I often met parents who worried their child was becoming selfish because they struggled to share. In reality, most young children are still learning empathy, patience and cooperation. With gentle guidance and plenty of practice, children can learn to share confidently while still feeling safe and respected.
In this guide, you’ll discover seven gentle strategies that really work to help your child develop sharing skills that will support friendships for years to come.
Why Sharing Can Be Difficult for Young Children
Before learning how to teach a child to share, it helps to understand why sharing feels so difficult.
Young children naturally see toys as extensions of themselves. Their brains are still developing important skills like:
- Self-control
- Empathy
- Waiting patiently
- Understanding another person’s perspective
For many children, saying “mine” isn’t bad behaviour—it simply reflects where they are developmentally.
The goal isn’t forcing children to hand over their toys immediately but helping them gradually learn generosity, kindness and cooperation.
1. Model Sharing Every Day
Children learn far more from watching than listening.
Look for simple opportunities to model sharing.
You might say:
“Would you like some of my apple?”
or
“Daddy and I are sharing the newspaper.”
When children regularly see sharing in everyday life, it becomes normal rather than something adults only expect from them.
2. Never Force Sharing Immediately
Although it may seem polite to insist your child gives another child their toy, forced sharing often creates resentment.
Instead try saying:
“You’re playing with that toy just now. When you’re finished, your friend can have a turn.”
This teaches:
- Respect for ownership
- Taking turns
- Patience
- Fairness
Children are much more willing to share when they feel their own feelings are respected first.
3. Teach Turn-Taking Instead
Sometimes children understand taking turns better than sharing.
Use simple language such as:
- “Your turn.”
- “My turn.”
- “Now it’s Jack’s turn.”
Timers can also work brilliantly.
A two-minute sand timer or kitchen timer removes arguments because the timer—not the adult—decides when it’s time to swap.
4. Praise Every Small Success
Learning how to teach a child to share takes time.
Notice every positive step.
For example:
- “That was very kind.”
- “You let your sister have a turn.”
- “You waited so patiently.”
Specific praise helps children understand exactly what behaviour you’re encouraging.
Avoid labels like “good boy” or “good girl.” Instead praise the action itself.
5. Practise Sharing During Play at Home
Home is the safest place to practise new social skills.
You could:
- Build with blocks together.
- Share crayons while colouring.
- Play board games.
- Bake together.
- Build a train track together.
These relaxed situations allow children to experience sharing without the pressure of other children watching.
Helping Children Build Strong Friendships
Sharing is only one part of healthy friendships.
If you’d like more ideas for helping children develop kindness, confidence and lasting friendships, read my guide:
7 Powerful Ways to Help Children Build Friendships That Last
6. Read Stories About Sharing
Books are wonderful teaching tools.
Children often understand characters’ feelings more easily than lectures.
Reading stories about kindness, friendship and cooperation helps children naturally develop empathy.
If you’re looking for gentle stories that support emotional wellbeing, explore my Murphy’s Brave & Calm Series, designed to help young children build confidence, kindness and emotional resilience.
Explore all my children’s emotional wellbeing books here:
Murphy’s Brave & Calm Series. – My Shop
You can also find the Murphy books on Amazon if you prefer to shop there.
7. Be Patient—Sharing Develops Over Time
Perhaps the most important lesson when learning how to teach a child to share is remembering that sharing develops gradually.
Many children:
- Share more easily at five than three.
- Become more generous once they feel emotionally secure.
- Learn through repeated experiences rather than one conversation.
Celebrate progress rather than expecting perfection.
Each small success is helping build empathy, confidence and lifelong friendship skills.
Final Thoughts
Learning how to teach a child to share isn’t about making children give away their favourite toys. It’s about gently teaching kindness, patience, empathy and respect for others.
With consistent encouragement, role modelling and plenty of opportunities to practise, most children gradually become confident sharers who enjoy playing alongside others.
Remember, every small act of generosity is helping your child build stronger friendships and important life skills.
If you’re looking for more practical ways to help your child build positive friendships, don’t miss my guide How to Help a Child who has no friends: Ways to build connection and confidence
Free Printable
To encourage kindness and positive conversations at home, download my FREE children’s colouring page—a fun activity that supports emotional wellbeing while spending quality time together.
