INTRODUCTION - Calming Techniques for kids
Calming techniques for kids can give children simple, practical ways to cope when their emotions begin to feel too big. Whether your child becomes anxious, frustrated, angry, tearful or overwhelmed, knowing what to do in that moment can help them feel safer and more in control.
During my years working as a counsellor, I supported many children who struggled to explain what was happening inside them. Often, they didn’t need a complicated strategy. They needed something simple that they could understand, practise and eventually use for themselves.
The encouraging thing is that calming skills can be learned. Children may not remember them perfectly when they are very upset at first, but with gentle practice and support, these techniques can gradually become familiar tools they can turn to.
Below are seven simple but powerful techniques you can practise with your child at home.
Why Calming Techniques for Kids Can Be So Helpful
When children experience a big emotion, it can be difficult for them to think clearly or explain what they need. You may see crying, shouting, withdrawing, refusing to cooperate or becoming unusually clingy.
At these times, telling a child to “calm down” usually isn’t enough. They need to learn how to calm down.
This is where practical calming techniques can help.
If you would like more ideas that you can use throughout the day, you may also find my 10 Calming Activities for Kids That Actually Work helpful. It includes simple and gentle activities parents can use to help children feel calmer at home.
1. Slow Down With Belly Breathing
Breathing is one of the easiest calming skills to teach because your child can use it almost anywhere.
Ask your child to place one hand on their tummy. Encourage them to breathe in slowly through their nose and notice their tummy gently rise. Then let the breath out slowly.
Rather than expecting lots of deep breaths, start with just three.
You might say:
“Let’s take three slow breaths together.”
Practising when your child is already calm makes it much easier for them to remember the technique when emotions begin to rise.
If your child enjoys breathing exercises, I have also written 7 Simple Breathing Exercises for Children That Help Calm Big Feelings, with more playful ways to practise breathing together.
2. Notice Five Things Around You
When a child’s mind is racing with worry or frustration, gently bringing their attention back to what is happening around them can interrupt that spiral.
Try asking:
- What can you see?
- What can you hear?
- What can you touch?
- Can you notice a smell?
- What does your body feel like right now?
You don’t need to turn this into a formal exercise. For younger children, you could simply say:
“Can you find five blue things in this room?”
The purpose is to gently move their attention away from the overwhelming thought and towards the present moment.
3. Help Your Child Name the Feeling
One of the most useful calming techniques for kids is also one of the simplest: helping them put a name to what they are feeling.
A young child may know they feel “bad” but not recognise whether they are worried, embarrassed, disappointed, lonely or angry.
Try offering possibilities without telling them what they feel:
“I wonder if you’re feeling disappointed because that didn’t work out?”
Or:
“It looks as though something has made you worried. Is that how it feels?”
Naming an emotion doesn’t make it bigger. Instead, it can help a child begin to understand what is happening inside them.
4. Use Gentle Movement to Release Tension
Some children find it difficult to become calm by sitting still.
When their body is full of nervous or frustrated energy, movement may help first.
Try:
- stretching towards the ceiling
- slowly marching on the spot
- shaking out hands and arms
- walking around the garden
- doing a few gentle animal movements
- squeezing and then relaxing the hands
The important word here is gentle. We are helping the body gradually move from high energy towards calm rather than encouraging more excitement.
Over time, your child may begin to recognise that moving their body helps when uncomfortable feelings build up.
5. Use Something Comforting for the Senses
Children often respond well to familiar sensory experiences.
A favourite soft blanket, cuddly toy, quiet music, colouring activity or comfortable corner can give a child something predictable to focus on while difficult emotions settle.
You might create a small basket containing a few calming items your child likes. It doesn’t need to be expensive or elaborate.
The best calming tool is often something simple that your child already finds comforting.
A Gentle Way to Continue Supporting Big Feelings
If you’d like to continue supporting your child at home, my children’s book Murphy Helps with Big Feelings gently introduces young children to difficult emotions and ways of coping with them.
Through Murphy’s story, children can begin to understand that big feelings are something we can talk about and learn to manage.
You can find Murphy Helps with Big Feelings in my online shop or on Amazon.
My shop link is: Murphy Helps with Big Feelings
AMAZON LINK: Murphy Helps with Big Feelings
6. Teach a Simple Calming Phrase
Children often absorb the words adults repeatedly use around them.
A short reassuring phrase can eventually become something they learn to say to themselves.
Try phrases such as:
“I can get through this.”
“This feeling will pass.”
“I am safe.”
“I can take one thing at a time.”
Choose one that suits your child’s age and personality.
You can practise it together during ordinary calm moments rather than introducing it for the first time during a meltdown.
This is one reason practising calming techniques for kids before they are actually needed is so important.
7. Take a Calm-Down Break Together
A calm-down break should never feel like punishment.
Instead of sending an overwhelmed child away with “Go to your room until you calm down,” try staying nearby and offering connection.
You could say:
“Things feel a bit too much just now. Let’s sit somewhere quiet together.”
Your child may want to talk, cuddle, colour or simply sit beside you.
Some children need more space, and that’s okay too. The important thing is that they understand the break is there to help them regulate their emotions — not because they have been rejected for having them.
Over time, they may begin recognising for themselves when they need a little quiet time.
Practise Calming Skills When Your Child Is Already Calm
One of the biggest mistakes we can make is introducing a new technique for the first time when a child is extremely upset.
Imagine trying to learn something new when you’re angry, frightened or overwhelmed yourself. Children are no different.
Instead, practise these skills during ordinary moments.
You could practise three slow breaths before bedtime, use a calming phrase before school or have fun identifying things you can see and hear while out walking.
This turns calming techniques for kids into familiar everyday skills rather than emergency measures that only appear when something has gone wrong.
Let Your Child Choose What Works for Them
Not every technique will suit every child.
One child may love breathing exercises while another finds movement more helpful. One may want a cuddle when upset while another needs a few minutes of space.
Rather than expecting your child to use all seven techniques, help them discover two or three that feel particularly comfortable.
You might even ask:
“Which one helps your body feel the calmest?”
That simple question encourages your child to notice their own emotional needs and gradually build confidence in managing them.
A Free Calming Activity for Your Child
Sometimes a quiet, familiar activity is exactly what a child needs after a busy or emotional day.
I’ve created a free Murphy colouring page: link here that your child can enjoy at home. Colouring can provide a simple opportunity to slow down, focus and spend a little quiet time together.
Final Thoughts – Calming Techniques for Kids
Children aren’t born knowing how to manage every difficult feeling. These are skills they develop gradually with practice, patience and the support of caring adults.
There will still be tears, frustration, worries and difficult days. The aim isn’t to remove every uncomfortable emotion. It is to help your child learn that big feelings can be understood, expressed and managed.
Start with just one or two of these ideas and practise them when life is calm. Notice which ones your child responds to and build from there.
With time and repetition, calming techniques for kids can become valuable everyday tools that help children feel safer, more confident and increasingly able to cope when their emotions feel overwhelming.
