INTRODUCTION - My Child Worries About Making Mistakes
My child worries about making mistakes is something many parents quietly say when they notice their child becoming upset, anxious or overly cautious whenever something might go wrong.
Your child may erase their homework again and again, become distressed when they get an answer wrong, avoid trying something new, or constantly ask, “What if I make a mistake?” Even small errors can feel enormous to a child who believes they must always get things right.
As a counsellor who worked with children and families for over 15 years, I often supported children who were deeply afraid of getting things wrong. Some avoided answering questions unless they were certain of the answer. Others became tearful, frustrated or angry when their work was not perfect.
Parents often tried to reassure them by saying, “It doesn’t matter,” or “Don’t worry about it,” but the fear would quickly return.
The encouraging news is that children can learn that mistakes are not something to fear. With calm encouragement and the right support, they can gradually become more confident, flexible and willing to try.
Here are 7 effective ways to build confidence when your child worries about making mistakes.
My Child Worries about making mistakes – Why does this happen?
Some children naturally place very high expectations on themselves. They may believe that getting something wrong means they have failed, disappointed someone or are simply “not good enough.”
Fear of mistakes can also grow when a child:
- compares themselves with other children
- worries about being criticised or laughed at
- wants to please adults
- lacks confidence in their abilities
- becomes caught in overthinking
- has experienced embarrassment after making a mistake
- believes everything must be perfect
A child who worries about mistakes is rarely being difficult. Usually, they are trying very hard to protect themselves from the uncomfortable feelings they associate with getting something wrong.
Understanding this can help you respond with reassurance rather than frustration.
1. Let Your Child Know That Mistakes Are Normal
One of the most powerful messages you can give your child is that everybody makes mistakes.
Children sometimes imagine that adults, teachers or confident classmates always know what they are doing. They need to hear that learning almost always involves getting things wrong first.
You might say:
“Mistakes are part of learning.”
“You don’t have to get everything right the first time.”
“Getting something wrong doesn’t mean you’re bad at it.”
Try sharing small examples of your own harmless mistakes too.
Perhaps you forgot something at the shop, took a wrong turn while driving or made a mistake when cooking.
When children see adults accepting mistakes calmly, they begin to understand that errors don’t have to become disasters.
2. Praise Effort Rather Than Perfection
When your child worries about making mistakes, be careful not to focus all your praise on the finished result.
Instead of only saying:
“That’s perfect!”
or
“You got them all right!”
try noticing their effort, patience and willingness to keep going.
You could say:
“I noticed how hard you worked on that.”
“You kept trying even when it was difficult.”
“I love how you didn’t give up.”
This helps your child understand that success isn’t just about being correct.
Persistence, courage and effort matter too.
Over time, this can reduce the pressure children place on themselves and help them become more comfortable attempting things they may not immediately master.
3. Help Them Challenge Their Worried Thoughts
Children who fear mistakes often have very convincing thoughts running through their minds.
They may think:
“Everyone will laugh at me.”
“I’ll get into trouble.”
“I’ll never be able to do it.”
“If I get this wrong, I’m stupid.”
Rather than immediately telling your child that their thought isn’t true, gently help them examine it.
You could ask:
“What do you think would really happen if you got one answer wrong?”
“Has everyone else ever made mistakes too?”
“What would you say to a friend who made the same mistake?”
These simple questions help children begin to separate worried thoughts from facts.
If your child tends to become caught in repeated “what if” thoughts, you may also find my article How to Stop a Child Overthinking – 9 Calm Strategies That Really Help useful.
Learning how to slow down overthinking can make mistakes feel much less frightening.
4. Teach Your Child to Use the Word “Yet”
One little word can make a surprising difference to a child’s confidence:
Yet.
Instead of saying:
“I can’t do it.”
encourage:
“I can’t do it yet.”
Instead of:
“I’m not good at reading.”
try:
“I’m still learning to become a stronger reader.”
The word “yet” reminds children that ability can grow.
They don’t have to know everything today.
This is especially helpful for children who become discouraged quickly when something feels difficult.
You might gently remind them:
“You don’t have to know how to do it perfectly. You’re still learning.”
5. Encourage Small Acts of Brave Trying
If a child is very frightened of getting things wrong, avoiding difficult situations can make the fear stronger.
They may stop putting their hand up in class, refuse to try unfamiliar activities or constantly ask adults to do things for them.
Instead, encourage small, manageable acts of courage.
For example, your child might:
- answer one question even if they are unsure
- try a new game
- draw without repeatedly rubbing things out
- attempt homework before asking for help
- order their own drink in a café
- try something new without needing to be perfect
The aim isn’t to push your child into situations that overwhelm them.
It is to gently show them that they can cope even when they aren’t completely certain of the outcome.
Confidence grows through experience.
Every time your child tries something and discovers that making a mistake is manageable, the fear loses a little of its power.
A Gentle Resource for Children Who Worry
If your child struggles with worries, Murphy Helps With Worries was created to help young children understand anxious feelings in a gentle and reassuring way.
Murphy helps children see that worries can feel big, but there are simple things they can do to feel calmer and safer.
You can find Murphy Helps With Worries in my shop here:
It is also available through Amazon – Murphy Helps with Worries
Reading together can be a lovely opportunity to talk naturally about worries without making your child feel as though they are being questioned.
6. Avoid Correcting Every Little Mistake
Sometimes adults correct children automatically because we want to help them learn.
But for a child who is already worried about getting things wrong, constant correction can unintentionally reinforce the belief that mistakes are dangerous.
Not every small mistake needs immediate attention.
If your child draws a slightly wonky picture, mispronounces an unimportant word or completes something differently from the way you would have done it, consider whether correction is really necessary.
Sometimes the best response is simply:
“You worked really hard on that.”
Allowing small imperfections to remain can help children become more tolerant of things not being exactly right.
This does not mean ignoring important learning.
It simply means creating a healthy balance between guidance and allowing children to discover things for themselves.
7. Model Calmness When You Make a Mistake
Children learn far more from watching us than we sometimes realise.
If you become very frustrated when you make a mistake, your child may learn that mistakes are something to fear.
Instead, try modelling a calm response.
You might say:
“Oops, I got that wrong. I’ll try again.”
or:
“That didn’t work the way I expected, but that’s okay.”
This teaches your child something incredibly valuable:
A mistake is an event, not an identity.
Getting something wrong does not mean they are wrong.
Making a mistake does not mean they are foolish, unsuccessful or disappointing.
It simply means they are human and still learning.
When Worry About Mistakes Becomes Overwhelming
Most children will worry about getting things wrong from time to time.
However, extra support may be helpful if your child’s fear of mistakes begins interfering significantly with everyday life.
You may notice that they:
- avoid schoolwork they previously managed
- become extremely distressed over small errors
- repeatedly seek reassurance
- refuse new activities
- struggle to make decisions
- frequently compare themselves with others
- say harsh things about themselves
- spend long periods checking or redoing work
If this sounds familiar, the fear may be connected with broader worry or overthinking.
My main Child Worry/Overthinking guide, 7 Gentle & Powerful Ways to Calm a Worried Child That Really Helps, explains additional ways parents can help children feel safer when worries begin taking over.
Final Thoughts – My Child Worries About Making Mistakes
When your child worries about making mistakes, it can be tempting to reassure them repeatedly that everything will be fine.
But lasting confidence usually grows from something deeper.
Children need to discover that they don’t have to be perfect to be loved, accepted or capable.
Let them see that mistakes are normal.
Praise courage and effort.
Help them question worried thoughts.
Give them opportunities to try again.
Most importantly, show them through your own reactions that getting something wrong is something they can handle.
With patience and gentle encouragement, your child can gradually replace the thought:
“What if I make a mistake?”
with something far more confident:
“It’s okay if I make a mistake. I can try again.”
For more support with childhood worry, you may also like What Causes Worry in Children? 9 Common Reasons Explained, where I explore some of the common reasons children become trapped in patterns of worry.
And if your child would enjoy something relaxing to do while you talk together, don’t forget to download one of my free Murphy colouring pages. Colouring can provide a lovely calm moment where children often find it easier to talk about whatever is worrying them.
You can also browse the full Murphy’s Brave & Calm Series – here on Amazon
